1. |
Decay (Alone)
03:08
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It’s so hard to see you in that hospital bed. That same one we left our father in.
I’m so scared of you dying all alone. (Hang on tight) I’ll drive this car all night. (nine hour drive) just to hold your hand, I promise, I’ll see you soon.
I can’t watch, I can’t stomach, the thought of, loosing you. It scares me, half to death when you sleep so soundly in your bed.
That one day you won’t wake up x2
Please wake up x2
Please don’t leave me, all alone.
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2. |
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I scribble out every line in my notebook that I ever wrote about you and I tore out every page and I burnt them.
Along with the pictures of you and I. Because I can’t stand to look at that person I once was and I can’t stand to read all those poorly written sentiments that I had never meant. It’s just so hard to look in the mirror and not recognize that person you see. Not to love, not to care, for yourself. But to plead and plead, woe is me.
And so each night I ask myself, am I content? Or just complacent.
In myself, in my self hatred.
I’m just so scared of who I once was and the person, I will never become.
Do I romanticize these thoughts of death? Or are they what keep me up at 3 AM.
I let my anxieties get the best of me.
My sadness shown on my sleeve.
I don’t feel like myself, I can’t help from feeling worthless, so worthless, so sad, so scared, and so alone ( so alone) I feel so alone.
I’ve changed so much I don’t recognize myself.
I know this is only temporary, but It feels like I’m always drowning.
Like I’ll never find a way out.
Maybe one day I’ll find myself.
Maybe one day I’ll learn to love myself.
Maybe one day I can rid theses thoughts in my head.
Maybe one day I can leave this bed.
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3. |
Before I Self Destruct
04:03
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I’m sorry that I’m a mess sometimes. I wish that I could count every time, I cried myself to sleep at night. That’s wishful thinking and I’m not sure it’s worth the try this time.
I don’t know if I’m alright x3
I still think about you all the time.
I just think it’s best we spent sometime with out me by your side. I wish I could have your back, I wish I could hold your hand. It’s just so hard to swallow all these lies. And for the first time, I will dry my eyes and get some sleep in my own sheets. I swear I’ll be fine.
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4. |
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Well I haven’t been the same, since the day you left. When I found you there, barley breathing. Bottle in your hand. And I’ll never forget that morning as long as I live. I was just a little boy and flowers never meant much to me but now all they do is fucking remind me of you.
You were so young
Life stole your youth
I out lived you. Far too soon.
Nine years spent, never the same again x6
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